


That Bright Land To Which I Go

by Ricechex



Series: Wayfaring Strangers [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ricechex/pseuds/Ricechex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://twofacedjanus.tumblr.com/">twofacedjanus</a> on Tumblr prompted me with:</p><p>
  <i>AU: Bones wasn't able to revive Jim. After his funeral, he manages to carry on for a while, and nothing's ever the same. After months of depression, Bones decides to end it. They're reunited in heaven.</i>
</p><p>I decided to try and keep it lighter than it could have gone, so this picks up right after Bones' death. There is no mention of how he died (other than it being suicide), and I hope that I have treated the subject as well as I could. This story focuses on Bones as he arrives in the afterlife, and the choice he has to make; stay on earth as a ghost, or move on and face judgment?</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Bright Land To Which I Go

**Author's Note:**

> So please, please, _please_ keep in mind that this story does revolve around characters who are _dead_. Yes, in this story, Bones has committed suicide after being unable to save Jim (after Khan). For those who are worried about that, I will say this: I make no mention of how he did it, and I don't use the word 'suicide' in the story at all.
> 
> Also, I urge any of you, if you're hurting, please, please reach out to those around you. If they won't listen, reach out to others. There are options, there are ways to get help, even if you don't think it will work. But I promise you, your life is worth it.

It was quieter than he’d imagined. He was standing in the middle of…

Huh.

Nowhere. Leonard McCoy was  _literally in the middle of nowhere_.

"Well… didn’t expect that." He stretches, looks around once more, then starts walking.

After all, he had to end up _somewhere_. Didn’t he?

Slowly the landscape began to change. It was subtle enough that he didn’t notice it right away; the way the grey lightened until it was closer to white, the white into yellow, the yellow into green until he’s trailing his fingers through tall grass and turning his face up to the sun.

The air smells like peaches and apples, and Leonard closes his eyes and stops in the middle of the field, smiling as he listens to the breeze blowing around him.

When he opens his eyes, he can see his family’s old farmhouse. The rocker on the porch has someone in it, and they raise their hand to him. He waves back, and begins walking again.

"Nice to see y’again, Leo."

Leonard smiles as he climbs the steps. “Granddaddy,” he says, nodding. “Y’ain’t got nothin’ better to do than sit out here all day?”

Granddaddy laughs. “I’s waitin’ on you, boy.”

Leonard plops down onto the worn wooden slats of the porch. “That so?”

Granddaddy hums. “Wasn’t expectin’ ya _quite_ so soon, though.” He looks at Leonard. “Why _are_ ya here already, boy?”

Leonard plucks a stray piece of grass that was growing between the boards and twists it between his fingers. “Reckon you already know the answer ta that,” he says, eyes on his jean-clad legs.

“I do,” Granddaddy answers. “If it makes a difference, they’ve found you now. That Vulcan friend o’ yours, what’s his name?”

“Spock.”

“That’s the one. He realised somethin’ was off when you weren’t answerin’ your comm; he came straight to your apartment.” The rocker creaks as Granddaddy shifts. “Never seen one o’them lookin’ so distraught.”

Leonard looks out over the field and bites his lower lip. “He’s got Nyota. He’ll get through this.”

“He’s lost two important people in a short amount of time, Leo. Don’t you go presumin’ he’ll do anything.”

“Yes, sir,” Leonard says, still looking away. They sit in silence for several minutes before Leonard works up the courage to ask, “Where are we?”

Granddaddy chuckles. “Boy, for someone so smart I’d’ve thought you’d be able to recognize Georgia fields and your family home.”

Leonard snorts and shakes his head. “You’re _so_ funny, Granddaddy.”

“And don’t you forget it.” Granddaddy grabs a cane from against the wall of the house. “Come on now, help your old granddaddy up.”

Leonard stands and takes one arm, holding the old man steady as he pushes to his feet and leans on the cane. “You know what I was really askin’,” he says once Granddaddy’s standing steady.

“I do,” Granddaddy answers.

“Well?”

“You watch your tone, Leo. We might be dead, but that don’t mean we can be rude.”

Leonard resists sighing loudly and instead snaps his mouth shut and nods.

“Good boy.” Granddaddy steps up to the railing on the porch and looks out over the fields. “Sun’s awful bright today.”

“Yeah, it is.” Leonard steps up beside him and leans on the handrail. Several more minutes pass in silence as they stare out across the grass.

“Care to tell me _why_ , Leo?” Granddaddy’s voice is soft when he asks, and Leonard looks down at the railing beneath his palms, shoulders shaking. He takes a shuddering breath, and then his grandfather’s arms are around him, and his head’s buried against his shoulder. “Hey now, I told you a long time ago that it’s OK to cry, and I meant it.” Granddaddy’s hand rubs circles over his back. “You were hurtin’, boy, and no one saw just how much. You let it out, now.”

And Leonard does. He sobs and clings to his grandfather, remembering skinned knees and split lips and anger and frustrations that had been soothed away the same way

“I couldn’t… I tried to save him, Granddaddy, I… I couldn’t, I…”

“I know, boy, I know,” Granddaddy says.

“And he was… he was alone, _in there_ he was all alone… and I didn’t… I didn’t get to say goodbye, I just wanted… I wanted him _back_.”

Granddaddy’s hand keeps rubbing circles as Leonard cries. “I reckon he wouldn’t’ve wanted you seein’ him like that.”

“He let… Spock see…”

“He didn’t feel about Spock the way he felt about _you_.”

“He… he’s selfish, he’s so damn selfish, and I’m… I’m angry and…” Leonard breaks down again. “And I just wanna _see him_.”

A hum reverberates through Leonard’s chest, and he hiccups as he straightens, swiping at his eyes. A handkerchief is in his hand, and he smiles through the tears as he takes it and wipes his face off. He shudders again, swallows, and shoves the hanky in his pocket. “Thanks,” he says, trying to smile. It comes out as a grimace, and he closes his eyes. “Did I… did I mess up?”

He opens his eyes, and Granddaddy sighs, patting his cheek. “We’ll see.” Granddaddy steps away and opens the door. “Come on, then.” He holds the screen door open and waits. Leonard takes it and follows him through into the sitting room.

“Wow. This place ain’t changed a bit,” Leonard says, looking around.

“Oh, I expect it has, even if you don’t know it.”

“What?”

Granddaddy chuckles. “You asked where we are.”

Leonard does sigh this time. “You’re deliberately bein’ difficult, aren’t ya?”

Granddaddy looks back at him and winks before stepping into the kitchen. Leonard shakes his head and follows.

“The simple, easy answer is, we’re in the afterlife.”

“Hmm, yep, I can see why I would need someone to tell me that.”

“Don’t sass me, boy.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“No y’ain’t, so don’t say it.” Granddaddy’s tone is reproachful, but his eyes are sparkling as he settles into a seat at the empty table, and Leonard smiles.

“Alright.”

“Now here’s where things get a might… complicated.”

Leonard settles into a seat across from him, and waits.

“Heaven, hell, purgatory, all of that’s a lot more fluid and overlapping than we ever really knew.” Granddaddy picks up a coffee mug and takes a sip. Leonard does the same, and Granddaddy smirks. “We have the ability to shape our surroundings here.”

“How so?”

“Think about who you’re here with.”

Leonard frowns. “You’re the only one I’ve seen.”

Granddaddy nods. “So where’d the coffee come from, then?”

Leonard stares at him, then down at the mug in his hands. “Shit.”

Granddaddy laughs loud and deep. “Well put, Leo.”

“So then…” Leonard’s eyes go wide. “I could see-“

“Hold on there.” Granddaddy raises a hand to cut him off. “Slow down, boy, or you’re gonna find yourself in a mess o’ trouble.”

Leonard’s expression falls, and he nods. “Right.”

“Now, you asked about _me_. Well, I’m the messenger. The ferryman, if you wanna get a bit darker.” He puts his coffee mug down. “I’m here to give you a choice.”

Leonard puts his own mug down. “What is it?”

Granddaddy looks at him, then says, “Forwards or backwards. Forwards, you go on towards judgment. Pearly gates and long lists o’ sins. Saint Peter. All that.”

Leonard snorts. “There really are pearly gates?”

Granddaddy cuffs him on the side of the head gently. “Allow your grandfather a little creative license, would ya?”

Leonard smirks. “Yes, sir.”

“That’s better. Now, like I said – forwards, you’re headin’ towards judgment. Your sins and virtues are stacked against each other, and you move on towards whatever’s next.”

Leonard licks his lips. “So why aren’t _you_ there?”

Granddaddy smiles. “Who says I’m not?”

“I don’t-“

“Ya see, Leo, the thing about the afterlife is, you do a lot of the same things you did before. We all got jobs, responsibilities, hobbies, homes. Hell, we look the way we wanna look and eat what we wanna eat, go where we wanna go.”

“And you choose to look like you did when I was a kid? Don’t sound like much of an afterlife to me, Granddaddy.”

Granddaddy tilts his head. “Close your eyes, and when you open ‘em, focus on me. Focus real hard.”

Leonard frowns, but does as he’s told. When he opens his eyes, he’s so startled he jumps up and knocks his chair over. “The hell?”

Granddaddy grins back at him, looking like a younger version of Leonard himself with very subtle differences. The hair’s a lighter brown, almost blond. Far less wrinkles and age spots, back straighter, and fingers less gnarled. When he smiles, Leonard can see his own shy grin reflecting back.

“This is how I look usually, Leo,” he says.

“Oh.”

“It’s how I looked when I married your Grams.”

“Grams… is she-“

“She is. Just not _here_.”

Leonard grasps his head. “Jesus.” He rights the chair and sits back down. “Alright, so… if you’re _there_ , and _here_ , is this… your responsibility?”

Granddaddy beams at him, his eyes bright and the barest hints of crows feet starting at the corners of his eyes. “You’re gettin’ it now, boy.”

“Great.” Leonard rubs his fingers over his lips. “So, forwards – judgment, jobs, movin’ on. What about backwards?”

Granddaddy shrugs. “Not much I can tell you there. Backwards means, you go back to earth.”

Leonard shudders. “Like, I wake up in the hospital-“

“Nope.” Granddaddy shakes his head. “You go back, and you watch. You watch everything and everyone around you, and you exist outside their perception. You’re a ghost.”

“Why would anyone choose _that_?”

Granddaddy looks down at the table. “I almost did.”

Leonard gapes. “What? Why?”

“You really can’t guess?”

He opens his mouth to reply, then stops as he sees Granddaddy toying with his wedding ring. “Grams.”

“I didn’t want to leave her,” he says, smiling. “I wasn’t ready to let her go.”

“So, did you-“

Granddaddy shakes his head. “I moved on, chose forwards.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “Might’ve done a few favours to get a few favours, so as I could check up every now and again, but… I knew, goin’ back, there wasn’t much that would hold my interest, later on.”

Leonard swallows. “Can I ask something before I choose?”

“Of course.”

“If I choose backwards, would I be able to talk to other… ghosts?” He winces on the final word.

Granddaddy nods. “I suppose you pro’ly would. Can’t say as I’ve ever had anyone to confirm that idea.”

“One more question?”

“Shoot.”

Leonard meets his grandfather’s gaze. “What did Jim choose?” Granddaddy gives him a sad, forced smile. Leonard feels his heart breaking all over again. “He… he chose-“

“I don’t know,” Granddaddy says quickly. “I don’t get to know. Not yet.”

“Not _yet_?”

“That all hangs on you.”

“How so.”

“Go forwards, and you’ll get to see the people you loved again. Grams is there, I _can_ tell you that. And let me _tell you_ , being young and fit again?” Granddaddy winks.

“Granddaddy!” Leonard flushes and looks away. “There are things I _don’t_ need to know.”

Granddaddy chuckles. “But just like she couldn’t know what I chose before she made her choice, you can’t know before you make yours.”

Leonard leans forward and covers his face with his hands. “This is bullshit,” he says.

“Can’t argue that, boy.”

“What would you do?” Leonard uncovers his face. “If you were in my position.”

“I made my choice, Leo-“

“No, yours… yours was different, you were the first one here to make a choice. But Grams, she… she chose, without knowin’ if she’d ever see you again.”

Granddaddy nods. “She did.”

Leonard licks his lower lip as he thinks. “She trusted herself to know you well enough. To know what you’d choose.”

Granddaddy blinks at him and says nothing.

“OK.” Leonard nods. “OK, I think… I’m ready to choose.”

“You sure? We can stay a while longer, if ya like.”

Leonard shakes his head. “No, no I… I know what I’m choosin’.” He stands up and pushes in the chair, looks up at the ceiling and smiles. “Been ages since I was in this place.” He shoves his hands in his jeans pockets. “I’m gonna miss it.”

Granddaddy stands and holds out his hand. “I’ve missed ya, boy.”

Leonard takes his hand, then pulls him into a hug. “Thanks, old man.”

“Hey now,” Granddaddy laughs. “You best watch out for me, I’m not nearly as old as I used to be.” He grins, then sighs and nods his head. “You’re sure about this?”

Leonard nods again. “Never been more sure o’ anything.”

Granddaddy claps him on the shoulder, and says, “Well then, here you go.” He gestures to the back wall, and Leonard sees two doors. “You’ll know which one to take.”

Leonard takes a deep breath, and turns to his grandfather.

He’s alone.

“Dammit, old man,” he mutters, smiling, before stepping up to the doors. He puts his hands on them, shaking his head at the door on his right. When he grasps the handle for the door on his left, he feels a rush of warmth, and he turns the knob. Light rushes forward when he opens the door, and he steps through.

Blinking, Leonard holds a hand up to shield his eyes as they adjust. He can see someone standing in front of him, hands in their pants pockets.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” the person says, smiling.

Leonard steps closer, lowering his hand. “I was hopin’ you’d be here.”

“Hoping? Or trusting me to be here?”

Leonard smirks as he steps right up in front of the person. “I’ve always trusted you, Jim.”

Jim Kirk beams at him, then reaches up and cups his cheeks, pulling him close. “Bones.”

Leonard kisses him, arms wrapping around his waist as he presses as close as he can. Jim’s hands move off his cheeks so that his arms can entwine themselves around Leonard’s neck.

“You were supposed to be careful, dammit,” he says.

“You tried to save me. Tried to bring me back.”

“I needed you. Still need you.” Leonard pulls away, pressing his forehead against Jim’s. “Goddammit, Jim, you _left_ me.”

Jim closes his eyes. “I didn’t want to. But I couldn’t let you die like that.”

“You’re a hero,” Leonard whispers. “You’re a hero who got a hero’s burial. I’ll be lucky if they so much as give my ashes a box before droppin’ ‘em in the trash.”

“You think you’d be _here_ if that were true?”

Leonard sighs. “Jim, I… I was-“

“Hurting. You were hurting, Bones, and no one knew how bad. No one knew, and that’s not your fault. It’s not their fault. But please trust me.” Jim takes his hands and places a kiss on both sets of knuckles. “You’re not going to be forgotten, and no one is going to speak ill of you.”

Leonard stares into Jim’s eyes, then nods. “Alright.”

Jim grins. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Leonard looks around. There’s a familiar feeling to the area they’re standing in, and now that he’s past the shock of seeing Jim again, he notices the other people bustling about, talking on comms and drinking coffee, eating lunch, shopping. “Where _are_ we?”

Jim squeezes his hand and says, “You don’t recognize this place?”

He looks around again, then laughs. “Presidio,” he murmurs. “The Academy…” He looks to his left and can just make out the tallest buildings on the campus. “Holy shit.”

Jim laughs. “And here’s home,” he says, punching in a code on an apartment building.

“Oh my god,” Leonard says as they walk in. “Our first place, after we got our commissions.”

“You remember,” Jim says as they get in the lift.

“How could I forget _this_?” He runs a palm over the paneling. “We were so damn happy to be off the ship for a while, we forgot we’d need furniture. Slept on air mattresses for a month until we could afford actual beds.”

“Wish we’d been braver when we were alive – could have admitted how we felt and saved money by buying just _one_ bed.”

Leonard snorts. “Yeah.” He looks back at Jim as the lift stops and the doors open. “No time like the present to make up for that, right?”

Jim tugs him down the hall to their door. “You better believe it.” They step into the apartment, and Jim pushes Leonard against the wall. “Bones…” He kisses him again. “I should have told you. I love you.”

Leonard swallows around the lump in his throat. “I’ve loved you so long,” he says, fingers threading through Jim’s hair. “I love you, Jim, I love you so much.”

Jim grins. “Wanna show me how much?”

Leonard smirks. “You damn right I do.”

Jim takes his hand and leads him through the apartment, eyes locked on Leonard’s as he easily keeps from walking into things.

“Show off.”

Jim waggles his eyebrows. Leonard laughs.

“Hey, wait…” Leonard stops, and Jim looks at him, brow raised. “What about… judgment and… responsibility, I…”

“You saw a light, when you walked through the door.”

“That…” Leonard frowns. “That was _it_?”

Jim laughs and pulls him along again. “It’s a strange universe, Bones. Who are we to question the fates or God or whomever decides these things?” He pulls Leonard to the bed and pushes him down onto his back, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips. Leonard bucks up against him, groaning and biting his lower lip.

“So they just… what, look at me and _know_?”

Jim shrugs. “Pretty much.” He leans in. “As for responsibility, you’ll get a week off to start, and then you’ll meet your case worker.” He nuzzles at Leonard’s neck. “They’ll tell you what’s available, what they think would fit. Ask how you’re settling in, if you need more time.” He kisses the pulse point at Leonard’s jaw, and Leonard sighs as his hands tighten on Jim’s hips, pulling him back down against Leonard’s lap.

“And then?”

Jim kisses his neck again. “Then you go back to work. You come home, we have dinner, have sex, go to movies and read books. We get on with our afterlives.” Jim’s fingers are tugging at the buttons on Leonard’s shirt now, opening them up as he kisses down to Leonard’s collarbone. “We do the things we want to do, because we can.”

“What about… don’t you have responsibilities?”

“I got the week off.” Jim’s hands spread Leonard’s shirt completely, fingers tracing patterns along his stomach and sides.

“What for?”

Jim licks up the other side of his neck. “We get that when our spouse, partner, or significant other arrives.”

“But we-“

“Bones, you were the most significant person in my life.” Jim pulls back and looks him in the eyes. “Unless you don’t believe that.”

Leonard swallows and says, “I believe that.”

Jim smiles. “Good.” He places a gentle kiss on Leonard’s lips. “Now stop talking and start making up for lost time.”

Leonard laughs, wraps his arms around Jim, and rolls them over. “That an order, _Captain_?”

Jim locks his legs around Leonard’s waist. “You know it is, _Doctor_.”

Leonard lowers himself against Jim and kisses him once more. “Aye, sir,” he whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> [Title taken from, "Wayfaring Stranger," as performed by Ed Sheeran.]


End file.
